Stop the press!

A super short entry this evening simply to share the great news.... The fertility specialist says I'm going to ovulate this cycle!!! I had my ultrasound this morning, and he says I should ovulate Wednesday or Thursday of this week. I'm super stoked!

I'll go in next Thursday for bloodwork to confirm ovulation, but I figure I'll know before then due to charting.

HUGE thanks to all of you for your crossed fingers, words of encouragement and overall support.

In other news, no word from the college in Texas. I'm going to put my visit on hold until at least Friday, so I can try to make a baby and have some sexy-sexy time with my husband. My niece's birthday party is Sunday, and I'd really like to be there for that. We'll see......I'm off-- night, y'all!

Monday, Monday

Nothing super exciting to report these days- still in the old holding pattern. Mark had the weekend off, and we enjoyed spending some time together in the daylight. He works so much and has such a long commute, that quality time just doesn't happen as often as it once did. Hopefully we'll fix that soon. We didn't do anything earth shattering- circus Thursday night, dinner out with his family Friday night, shopping on Saturday afternoon and Sunday "lay low" time.

I heard from the college in Texas on Friday, and it looks like we'll know something (interview-wise) early this week. I have my cd17 ultrasound tomorrow in Jackson. I think I'm going to pack a bag for Texas, and if the doctor says I'm not going to ovulate, I'll head to Texas after my appointment. If I'm going to ovulate, I'll drive back to Tupelo to spend some quality time with my husband. Once in Jackson, I'm about a third of the way to Texas, so it makes sense to keep chugging along if I'm not going to ovulate. I'll be able to stay a little over a week with my family, and hopefully the college will want to interview me in that time.

So, yeah, no news is good news right?!? Wish me luck tomorrow!

Suffering in Limbo

"Suffering builds endurance. Endurance builds character. Character builds hope."

The above phrase was the "theme" of our sermon on Sunday. I go to a small church with about 50 faithful members. Our minister is really down-to-earth and often offers practical messages. Last Sunday, however, it was like he was speaking directly to me. Of course, the minister was speaking about the suffering of many in our congregation- mostly serious illness. For me, though, the suffering is less dramatic.

My life has been in a holding pattern for quite a while now. I've been applying for jobs back in Texas, so Mark and I can move home. I was strung along in a couple of situations while Mark turned down promotions here in Mississippi. Just when we thought we were to be in MS for another year, a Dean where I've applied called and said I might be considered for a job. Here we are a week and a half later, and no further news.

My current employer knows about my situation and is supportive of me. My husband, however, just learned that he might have the opportunity to move to a location closer to home. (He now commutes 72 miles each way 6 days a week.) Well, if he accepts that job, we're stuck here for a full year. I'm fine with that, but what if this place in Texas calls me after he accepts a position? AGH! I'm going crazy in anticipation and the not knowing is killing me.

To add to our limbo, I'm on cd10 and curious if I might actually ovulate this cycle. If not, we're onto "the big guns" and that doesn't sound like fun, especially since we don't have infertility coverage.

And, so, my little bit of suffering in limbo will build endurance, which builds character which builds hope. And right now, hope is about all I've got!

Holy Hot Flashes!

Typically, I get the nasty side effects of Clomid the week after I finish the medication. Nope, not this time around! I began Clomid on Tuesday and started having hot flashes on Thursday. My inner child is playing with matches again, and it's not so much fun.

To add insult to injury, our power went out for about 4 hours last night. I woke up about 3:30am and the ceiling fan wasn't on. I realized it was really dark in the house and figured what happened. I tossed and turned for four hours due to the sticky hotness of the night. The power came back on about 6:45am, and I managed to sleep for a few more hours with the a/c and fan on high. UGH!

Maybe this is a sign that Clomid will actually work this cycle! Wishful thinking, eh?

Lettuce is not my friend

I've been trying to loose weight most of my life. I remember being a kid and knowing that I was heavier than the others. When in the third grade, I went with a friend to her doctor's appointment, and he checked my weight too. Yup, I was over 100 pounds then! I was an active kid, never one to sit and watch tv or play video games. I loved dancing 4-5 hours a day, but was always a chunky kid.

In high school, I auditioned for the drill team and was put on the "alternate" list. I was told that if I got down to a healthy weight, I'd be able to perform. I missed half the football season, but did managed to get from a size 16 to a size 9. By the time I entered college, I was a 12, and up to a 16 again before I completed my BS degree. I managed to get a handle on things in my late-twenties and lost 30 pounds before meeting my husband. I'd gained 15 of that back before we got married, and now that we're approaching our first anniversary, I'm even heavier than before (by a few pounds). BAH!

Since I know my weight could affect trying to conceive, I've been trying to eat more healthy and exercise. In an effort to be healthy this week, I've had a lot of salads (no cheese, dressing on the side, low fat croutons). Uh, I forgot Fortamet and lettuce don't mix! I've spent the last two days in bed with an upset stomach and flaming butt. (Nice picture, huh?) Stupid lettuce-- this is what I get for trying to be healthy! ;)

A bit of backstory

Fair warning, this could get lengthy...

While I've had two other blogs in the past (on other sites), I've not kept one in at least 2 years. One of my blogs chronicled much of my mid- to late-twenties, which is a really interesting read. The other was supposed to be more anonymous, and while it didn't last for long, there are some really personal thoughts, self-reflections, and even copies of letters I've sent to past loves. For some reason, however, when I actually fell in love for real, I lost the desire to chronicle every moment. To some extent, I regret that, but life goes on...

So, here's the basics. My husband, Mark, and I met in March 2006. Well, we actually met 2 years prior, but he was in a relationship at the time and didn't pay me any attention. I would realize later that this is one of the things I love about him. Mark's long-term relationship turned into a short-lived marriage. Fortunately for me, when he was over that, our mutual friend introduced us once again. I was dating a number of guys at the time, and Mark was sure to let me know he wasn't having any of that. Without hesitation, I cut loose all the other fellas and allowed myself to fall in love with an amazing man.

I was in the process of writing my dissertation when we met, and I figured anyone who was willing start a relationship during that hectic time was as crazy as I am! I completed my PhD in May and Mark got to meet my entire family when they came to Mississippi for the commencement. His parents met mine as well. After dating for four months, we moved in together, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. After a year of dating, Mark surprised me with a proposal, and we married 3 months later.....and that brings us to today....almost.

At some point, I'm sure I'll reflect on the past two years of life with Mark, but for now let's try to push forward. We married in mid-July, and I took my last birth control pill on August 8th. I always thought I'd want to wait a while to start a family, but Mark was gung-ho and ready to go. After much discussion, a reminder that I'm not getting any younger, and an "ok" from my gynocologist, we decided to give it a shot. Who would have thought we'd be here almost a year later with no baby in sight?!?

At this point, we're not sure what's wrong, but I've yet to ovulate since stopping birth control. I never had regular cycles, which is why I went on birth control in December 2005. Who knows the last time I ovulated?!? After eight months (5 cycles) with my OBGYN, we were referred to a fertility specialist. GREAT-- only his office is a 3 hour drive to Jackson. So far no luck yet, but I started Cycle 7 yesterday, and I'm remaining hopeful. This is, after all, our last cycle before "bringing out the big guns" as my RE says. So, here's to Fortamet (1000mg) and Clomid (150mg for 7 days)....

Seriously, if you read all this, you totally rock! I promise not to be so verbous in the future. Okay, I really shouldn't make that promise, but thanks for reading nonetheless!